Meat suit lesson #125: How to change your personality (kind of)

Meat suit lesson #125: How to rebuild your personality pyramid. I used to ask myself, “How can I change my personality so people like me more?” I knew I wasn’t a bad person deep down. What I didn’t realize is that I was going at it from the wrong direction.

Personality relies on repetitive thought, feeling, and behavioural patterns. Those patterns are almost always directly related to the states you are frequently in.

If from a young age you are in a state of fear or you feel unsafe then your behaviours WILL reflect that. If you don’t balance a high-stress job or are in unhealthy relationships or lead an unhealthy, unbalanced lifestyle your personality WILL reflect that too.

For example, a child grows up in an unsafe/unhealthy/unloving environment. They inherently learn that home is not a safe/healthy/loving place and as a result, they live in a state of fear. Because that's where they primarily spend their time. This state of fear naturally fosters behaviours of apprehension, distrust, introversion, etc.

Unless this pattern is broken, the child will continue to live in this state growing up to be an adult who forms supporting personality traits. Perhaps they will always have their back up against the wall, feel unsafe in their career and relationships, become extremely introverted or unpredictable. Other people then may perceive them to have a stand-offish, negative, unfriendly, or even aggressive in personality.

The bad news is the more you try to hide your undesirable personality traits, and maintain unhealthy states, the more they become ticking time bombs. Ready to blow up when you are least prepared. (And that’s if you are even aware of them at all)

The GOOD news (there’s always good news) is that it’s really easy to change your state. Once you achieve that, the rest naturally follows.  And the RIGHT people (the ones you really want in your life) will recognize your change and appreciate you for it.

Changing your state means altering your pillars and rebuilding your pyramid. By changing simple daily habits and practices surrounding:

- Diet (including alcohol, drugs, caffeine, etc)

- Exercise

- Sleep

- Healthy social relationships (work-life balance, not over-extending or over-isolating yourself, seeking loving and supportive relationships and ending toxic ones, healthy boundaries, etc.)

The trick is to start from the bottom up. While you can't control everything that happens to you in life, you can do a lot to change the day-to-day states you are in. It will take some dedication and practice at first, but when you're in a refreshed and healthy state that promotes happiness or joy, you'll naturally find yourself happier. In turn, you will begin to display the traits of a genuinely happy person (smiling, laughing, joking, connecting, feeling confident, showing gratitude, having a positive outlook, etc.)

Now doesn't that sound like the personality of someone you'd like to be around? Start changing your state so you can authentically improve your personality.