Meat suit lesson #27: THE SECRET I'VE BEEN KEEPING

OR... "How I brought it all together by totally falling apart"

"How did you bounce back?", "What's the trick?", "Tell me your secret!"

These are the types of things people say to me today. Once upon a time ago I was someone to pity or even avoid for fear that my luck, my energy, my life experiences might rub off on them. Now people seem to wonder how I did it, how I stopped living in the trenches of trauma, abuse, and mental illness. How I ushered happiness, calm, and confidence into my life.

The truth is there is no trick, no hidden switch to flip, no shortcut, no magic pill. My personal truth is that I have had some challenging and traumatic experiences. I now view them as great stepping stones and opportunities to get where I am now. I think of them as "just traumatic enough" to know that they definitely needed to be addressed but nothing so crippling that I couldn't ultimately overcome it. Again, this is all perspective. My trauma is a picnic for another meat suit in history. For others, my journey seems like an impossible feat.

But that's not really the point. There's no healing in comparison. Likewise, there's no universal cure for what woes you. All that said, I am still asked, "How did you do it?". People in my life, even people who barely know me have said they've recognized a noticeable change. In my confidence. In my happiness. In my calm. In my overall personality and demeanour.

So I think to myself, "How did I do it?" What is the answer? What is the title and topic of the book I ultimately end up writing here? How do I help people who are hurting? People I can recognize my past self in. How do I help others stop suffering? How do I pay this forward? How do I share my secret to happiness? The secret I so desperately yearned to know for many years...

I have given this a lot of thought and continue to do so. I genuinely feel my purpose is surrounding sharing my story. Sharing my growth. Showing others that success and self-love are utterly attainable. That your experiences aren't what make you. That there is incredible power and resolve in realizing you have control over nothing and everything at the same time. That everything that happens, is exactly as was strategically planned. That you have nothing to worry about...

That if you want, you can transcend. You are more than your experiences. You are a phoenix hiding in the ashes. You have an incredible spirit, and with it, you can do better than the cards you were dealt.

The reality is that I fell apart, many times. I hit rock bottom. I loathed my existence. I tried to exit this meat suit on my own accord more than once. I suffered. I was exhausted every single minute of every day, and I so desperately wanted to give up. Or to start over. Or not, I didn't really care. I just didn't want to be"me" anymore. I didn't want to live in the sadness, anger, resentment, anxiety, fear and frustration that consumed me.

At that time I didn't have friends, family, a partner or even a stranger that were willing or capable of lifting me up from that place. It was just me and the bedrock. When you hit a bottom like that, there is nowhere else to go. You've run out of self-pity. You've used all of your excuses. The short cuts have all been cut short.

But something beautiful and divine can happen in that darkness. Your mind opens up to options you never considered and your heart opens up to being healed. You open up to the impossibilities you doubted in past. The things that seemed silly or useless now have some value. When you find yourself at rock bottom there is a glimmer of hope in any and all paths.

While there is no straightforward answer to the question "What fixed you?" (P.s. I was never broken). I have taken a few minutes to compile a list of the things I could remember I have given a shot in order to attain well-being. Some of them worked for me, some of them didn't. I'm sure the same will be true for you if you'd like to tackle the list.

So in lieu of the straight-forward answer, you would like. Here's my best effort attempt at trying to share with you some of the things I have tried over my journey:

• Acupuncture

• Acupressure

• Al-Anon Groups

• Ancestral Work

• Animal & Pet Therapy

• Anti-depressants

• Anti-Psychotics

• Art Therapy

• Automatic Writing

• Avoidant/Compulsive Behaviours (Ignoring/Bottling/Pretending "everything is okay")

• Blogging

• Body Talk

• Chakra Balancing

• Chiropractic Care

• Client-Centred Therapy

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

• Craniosacral Therapy

• Crystals

• Day Journeys

• Dialectical Behaviour Therapy

• Diets (Gluten-Free, Paleo, Vegetarian, Fasting, Ketogenic, Low-FODMAP, QiFood)

• Dream Analysis

• Energy Work

• Entrepreneurship

• Essential Oils

• Exercise and Fitness

• Existential Therapy

• Extended Travel

• Facebook Groups

• Flower Essences

• Gardening

• Genetics Research (Including programming and epigentics)

• Group Therapy

• Homeopathy

• Ho'oponopono

• Hypnotherapy

• Instagram Accounts

• Isolation

• Journaling

• Kundalini

• Law of Attraction

• Lemon Water

• Light Therapy

• Living Abroad

• Lymphatic Drainage

• Manifestation

• Meditation (Various formats)

• Mood Stabilizers

• Moon Ceremonies

• Naturopathy

• Not-So-Doctor-Prescribed-Self-"Prescriptions"

• Numerology

• Oil-Pulling

• Osteopathy

• Past-Life Regression

• Prayer

• Psychology Courses

• Qi Gong

• Radical Acceptance

• Radical Compassion

• Reiki

• Religion (Christianity, Buddhism, Taosim, Hinduism, Kabbalah, etc.)

• Retreats

• Role-Playing

• Self-Help Books

• Self-Talk

• Shadow Work

• Stoicism

• Support Communities

• Synchronicity

• Tai Chi

• Talk Therapy

• Tarot

• Teas and other Remedies

• Thought Records

• Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)

• Vedic Astrology

• Vitamins/ Nutrients/Supplements

• Women's Circles

• Yoga

• YouTube Videos

So now that you know I've tried all of the above, you might believe me when I say,

"An overnight success is truly a decade in the making".

It took plenty of time, money, failure and sheer stubbornness to get where I am. It was an expensive, timely and exhausting process. But I always came back to the fact that there had to be a better way. That's what kept and keeps me motivated. The hope for happiness and the drive for growth. I'm glad to report my hypothesis was correct. When it seems like an impossible and overwhelming task I can empathize, but I will also promise you it is SO WORTH IT.

Sometimes I wonder why I am doing "this"? Why I am so publicly sharing my story? Making myself vulnerable and oftentimes misunderstood. I wonder if anybody is reading this and if they are if it makes sense, more importantly, if it is helping them.

The goal, for me, is that you don't have to reach the bedrock and spend thousands of dollars and hours trying every path before you start changing your reality. I guess I do "this", with the hopes that my words, my experiences, my candour, my message will touch someone. It will reach them and speak to them in a way that sparks something, some sort of motivation for change or realization that your life can be everything you want and more. Right now "this" is the best way I know to help. As corny as it sounds, I guess I want to make a difference on this meat suit journey of mine. Let my learnings not be for loss. Let all the phoenix children rise.

As always if you'd like to ask questions or discuss any of the above you can PM me on Instagram @meat.suit.lessons

☮️❤️🖖